How To Save A Life
by GreyScientist
Summary: Finnick's secret life becomes not so secret and it threatens to tear he and Annie apart. Can she save him from himself and show him that he is worthy of being loved again? A little heartbreak, a lot of lemon and some uncomfortable flashbacks. Just a little one off of how things might have gone for Finnick and Annie before the Quarter Quell.


It was always amazing to me how, no matter how many years passed or how many people I had been sold off to the company of, I always ended the evenings feeling like that same scared fourteen year old boy who didn't know which was was up or where to turn. And on the nights where I was lucky enough (lucky being a relative term) to walk myself back into my luxurious Career Tribute Suite and not in such bad shape that it took an entire team to put me back together, I always ended those nights the same way.

In a scalding hot bathtub, scrubbing away the evening's indiscretions and repeating the mantra that Mags had given me:

 _I'm choosing to do this for my family. I'm choosing to protect the people I love. I'm strong enough to look after them. The Capitol does not own me. I choose this._

Mags' wise words had stayed with me since the first night she had to send me off to be a slave to a woman whose husband had cheated on her publicly. A woman who felt like fucking a 14 year old virgin Victor was the only way to regain her self respect. By taking mine.

I muttered the words over and over to myself as I scrubbed at my skin, sometimes until it bled. It was my way of verbally tying knots. Taking my mind far away.

This particular night was no different. And it wasn't anything particularly aggressive or deviant. Comparatively. In fact it was a young, beautiful and wealthy daughter of the Capitol who had grown tired of her much older husband. She wanted attention. And not just mine, but anyone's. I gave it to her. Made love to her with as much passion as I could muster. Several times. Told her how beautiful she was. Rocked her gently to sleep before slipping out and walking home.

Home.

And it wasn't for naught. She also provided me some very valuable information about rebel sympathizes who were formulating plans to get a movement close enough to the mansion to destroy Snow. And when I told her I would gladly volunteer for a suicide mission if it meant ending him, she was genuinely empathetic in her plea that I not put myself in harm's way.

But she wasn't Annie. And being inside of her wasn't me. Even if I let me body relax enough to come with her and to be excited by her...it was only because I _was strong enough to protect my family._

I laid in the tub hoping the water would erase her smell from my skin. My heavy eyes were so tired I contemplated sleeping in the water and even wondered if I would drift to sleep and drown. Just end this.

I was on the precipice of sleep when I heard a shuffling in my suite. I held still in the water, listening for it again.

Paper shuffling. Doors opening and closing. Someone was there and they were looking for something.

I eased from the water and wrapped myself in a towel. I reached under the toilet tank for a small, but effective, fishing knife I had stored there. I tucked it neatly into my hand and snuck around the corner.

There was growling, almost animalistic, and I tried to decipher it. I inched towards the stream of light coming from my bedroom and tightened my grip on the knife, swinging it effortlessly so that it was point down and between my fingers.

I leaned into the doorway and then stopped in my tracks.

"Annie...?!"

I admit that at first I thought I had, in fact, drowned...and now I was dreaming that she was there with me. In my bedroom. Until upon watching her further I realized it was no dream. She was furious. Raging.

Mad.

Tearing at papers in the desk across from my bed. Ripping pillows open and throwing them in a mass of feathers and fabric. Her hair was tangled and wild. Her eyes were searching. Had she even heard me. I clenched my knife and stepped towards her again.

"Annie...stop..."

She tweaked her head to look at me and mouthed my name, but no words came. She hung on the verge of tears and finally let them overcome her as she lunged towards me. I still grasped my knife, unsure at all of what I was up against. But once she embraced me I let it fall from my hands and crash to the floor. She was whispering my name over and over, burying her head wildly against the flesh of my still hot neck. I held her tight and tried to coo softly in her ear to help her return to whatever ounce of sanity she could find.

The Quarter Quell reaping was days away and I wasn't expecting to see her until I travelled back to District Four. And even then I was forbidden much, if any, contact with her.

"Annie, how did you get here..."

I voiced a legitimate concern. I thought in that moment maybe she had been coerced. Kidnapped, or worse. But she didn't answer. Not would she pull her face from my neck. I felt her fingers tighten on the flesh of my back. Her body went rigid and she slowly backed away from me, her blue eyes wide and panicked as she did. I put my hands in the air to defer to her. If there was one thing I had become well versed in...it was playing the submissive to an aggressive female.

Before I could think to stop her she lunged for my knife and pointed it at me from a crouched position. I raised my hands higher. What in the hell.

"...I...I can still smell her on you, Finnick. I can smell her..."

I let my eyes softly close as I inhaled long and slow trying both to calm myself and to come up with the answer that would ease her mind. There wasn't one.

"It's not what you think. Annie, please put the knife down."

"Not what I think?! You think I'm crazy. Just like everyone else. You say you love me. Is this love Finnick? Is this what love looks like? You're a liar. And a whore."

Her words cut me worse than any knife would have, and I felt them echo and rattle in my head.

"I'm going to ask you again," she was threatening and hissing, inching closer to me until the knife tip was kissing the still tender skin of my stomach, "you owe me that much."

I swallowed hard and gave her a name. That was it. Not an explanation. If she was beginning to have some idea of what a monster I had become all I could do was accept it and wonder how she came to know.

Without realizing it she had pierced my skin. She drew a trickle of blood and gasped when she looked down to see. I used the moment of clarity to pry the knife from her. And I threw it clear across the room until it stuck into the wall just over my fireplace. Hanging there, out of her reach. She watched it and then turned back to me.

"How many others, Finnick?" Her face was streaked with tears. Whatever makeup she had been wearing was covering her face in lines that echoed her misery.

"Annie, don't do this..." I pleaded with her, debating silently of how much she could stand to know. If her fragile mind could handle the truth. I winced as the gash in my side started to throb. I noticed her looking at it. She turned from me and faced the window, clutching her hands to her ears and humming. She was self soothing. Attempting to regain control and I let her for a long while before walking behind her and wrapping my arms around her. How badly I needed her, if she only knew.

She shrugged me off hard and took several steps from me, leaving me alone. Again.

"I should have known, maybe I am as crazy as they all say... 'Finnick Odair would never love you, Annie'...'Finnick is your mentor...nothing more...'...I'm a fool." She repeated words I could only imagine she had heard spat at her in four and I wanted to punch something. Hard. Was I saving her or damning her?

"I should have known. Last time you came back. You hardly looked at me. Mags helped us to get away...to be alone...and you wouldn't even touch me." She laughed. It was dark and ominous and fake. "Maybe if I were painted and perfect and augmented like your fancy Capitol sluts..."

"That's enough, Annie..."

I interrupted her. The verbal onslaught was worse than any physical one, but my side was hurting plenty as well. Everything was hurting. Aching.

"How many, Finnick? I know it wasn't just tonight. How...many..."

She turned to face her and I wasn't going to lie. I was going to let her have exactly what she wanted. I swallowed hard and tried to keep from feeling nauseous.

"One...maybe two...hundred."

She stood staring at me like she had misheard. It was no exaggeration. In fact I had been flung around so often in the decade that I had been Capitol property that I had lost count. And that wasn't including the women that were regulars. That I would have to fuck sometimes twice a week. Her face turned from confusion to anger to disgust.

"You're disgusting. Look at you. I trusted you. And you're one of them..."

"Annie, I said that's enough!"

I barked this time and the force of it pushed against my now-throbbing wound. I pressed my fingers harder against it.

"What happened to you...you were...good..."

Suddenly there was a calm resolve in her voice. I was regaining her and losing her again all at once. She took a step into me and I choked back what I wanted so badly to be a sob. She could sense it. Her eyebrows arched. She shook her head no.

I thought of all the things I had done. All the things I would never find a way to tell her. I thought of the danger she might be in if I did.

"Goodbye, Finnick. I hope you're happy here."

She brushed past me and I let her. I didn't fight, didn't beg her to stay, didn't utter a no or a please. All of the things I should have done and wanted to do. I heard her turn the latch to leave behind me and let the weight of my body give out beneath me. My legs folded on each other and I slid to the floor, crashing on my knees and wincing audibly at the cut in my side. I lifted a part of my towel to press against the bleeding. I leaned on the floor with my other hand and let my emotions take over. If the Capitol hadn't broken me, Annie Cresta just did.

I spit at the salt that rolled over my upper lip and I let the tears slip from my heavy eyes. Leaning over my legs in a pathetic pool on the floor I glanced at the knife still bobbing, suspended from the wall and I contemplated putting myself out of my misery.

"Finnick..."

I heard her whisper behind me. She hadn't left but her voice was still far off. I didn't respond I just wept. It was all I could convince my conciousness to heals in those moments and I wept, clutching my side and damning myself.

Soon I saw the pool of her bluish grey dress around her boots, she walked cautiously back towards me and rounded me as I slumped on the floor in defeat.

"What happened to you?" She whispered again, kneeling before me. I wouldn't look at her. No, couldn't look at her. She reached under my face and cupped my cheeks, raising my eyes to hers, studying my face as if she might find the answers there.

"Why can't you just let me in? This isn't you, Finnick. It can't be you."

Annie, you have no idea how 'not me' it was.

I bit my lip and willed myself to calm down. To not cry anymore in front of her. I had never let myself do that with anyone, especially Annie. She had seen enough. But I was realizing that if I didn't tell her who I really was I would lose her forever. She would write me off as another worthless piece of Capitol trash.

"It's hard to explain, Annie, I need you to just trust me..."

"Then give me a reason to trust you. I trust you when you say that seeing you at the parties with the women is just part of the act. I try so hard to trust you. To remember the times you promised you were mine. But I saw you Finnick..."

I held my bloodied hand up in the air to stop her.

"Saw me? What did you see?"

She rocked back on her heels and searched the room with her eyes, ashamed of what she might say next.

"Snow came to us in Four. Mags and I..."

Mags...Mags always knew what I was but I had sworn her to secrecy. Ever since the first time she had to take care of a bleeding, broken teenage boy who didn't realize the damage another man could inflict on him. Mags always knew.

"He knew I loved you. He wanted to show me what you really were. There were several women, Finnick, I didn't want to watch but he made me. I saw you...doing all sorts of things..."

I leaned over again and this time really did feel sick. I battled against the idea of heaving and wanting to kill Snow then and there. Promising me I was saving her and then using that very thing against her. She continued and it was more than I could take...

"You won't make love to me, Finnick, but the things you were doing to those others...I don't..."

"Did Snow tell you why? And since when do you believe President Snow over me, Annie. You know better."she stopped in her tracks at my interruption. She knew I was right. She didn't have anything else to say so w sat in silence for a moment. I decided I had to, for my own good, let her inside no matter how much it hurt her.

"After I won my games, do you know why I stayed here? In the Capitol?" She shook her head no, sheepishly...like a scolded child. "I was just a kid, Annie, but Snow didn't care. There were people who would pay him good money for my time."

She arched her brows high, questioning. I knew she still wasn't following. I gulped hard at the idea of having to say it out loud.

"He sold me, Annie. If I wanted my family to live. If I wanted you and Mags to live. I had to do anything he asked me to do. Anything."

"My God, Finnick..." He voice was soft and in shock. I couldn't look her in the eyes. I didn't want to see her look at me the way Mags did. "All this time..."

She reached for my hand and for whatever reason - embarrassment, anger, fear, confusion - I pulled it from her and closed myself off from her. I was that scared kid not sure which way was up or who could ever help me.

"Finnick, no..."

She closed the space between us, kneeling in front of me and raising my head. But she didn't make me look at her. Instead she raised my face it her neck and let it rest there. She sat back and pulled me until my weight was heavy on her and she took me gently in her arms, cradling and rocking me as I silently wept into her shoulder.

"I should have told you. I was afraid to tell you..." My voice was muffled in her skin and I reveled in the fact that she was there, in spite of feeling this new awkwardness of being vulnerable to her and not the strong mentor I had always assumed.

"No. Finnick. You make sense to me now, boy." She kissed at the top of my hair and surrounded me in warmth that was seconds away from lulling me to sleep before she spoke again.

"Snow knows I'm here. I'm sure he is reveling in the fact that I came here to break your heart. You're right. I should have known better."

I lifted my head and allowed my eyes to meet hers. She reached for my face and wiped my cheeks.

"I do love you, Annie Cresta. If I made you doubt that, I am sorry. I didn't know what else to do."

She studied my face and I hated myself to breaking down in front of her but it was a long time coming. And I felt for the first time that maybe my needing her was snapping Annie out of her own Capitol prison of a mind. I watched her eyes gleam lowly as they studied my own and saw before me the flashes of other times I had been that close to them.

She was right. I had been completely incapable to physical contact with her. We'd kissed, sure. Held hands. Held one another. But my last visit home, when Mags had brought Annie to my home in the Victors Village...Annie had basically offered herself to me and I refused her. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. And I couldn't tell her why.

So sitting on the carpet in a pile of towel and tears and blood I felt comfortable to first time really letting anyone care for me...and touch me in a way that didn't make every piece of my skin ache with resentment.

She was still placing tiny kisses on my hair and forehead so I moved just enough to let my mouth fall under hers. We kissed softly when our lips met and then slowly deepened our connection, tongues twisting and pushing back and forth. I felt myself get heated and charged and out of habit I let the kiss get sultry and sexy. Annie withdrew her face from mine and held my jaw lazily in her palms.

"You don't have to do this, Finnick."

I swallowed against her. No one had really every given me the option and this was the first time I hadn't needed one.

"I want this, Annie. If you'll have me."

Her eyes glassed over and she smiled slyly before biting her lip and twisting her face at mine.

"Finnick Odair, it's all I've ever wanted."

I smiled back at her. We kissed again. Innocently, as if it was the first time. I found my mind wandering to Snow and how pissed he would be if he knew his plan backfired. Then I promised myself that I wouldn't let him back into my thoughts, he had no part in this.

Annie pulled her mouth from mine and I noticed her breathing heavy. Her breasts were hard beneath her flowing dress and I recognized all the signals of her arousal as I let my eyes travel the length of her. She stood slowly before me and then reached for my hands...helping me to my feet. I winced without thinking about it and immediately felt bad. She moved the hand I was using to cover the surprisingly substantial cut she had given me. She frowned.

"It's ok. I'm ok." I assured her even as she studied it, lifting the edge of the towel around my waist to wipe at some of the drying blood. Her fingers lingered there on my skin, tracing at some of the sinewy line of abdominal muscle. I shivered. She shivered.

"Did they ever...hurt you...the people you were with..."

She wouldn't look up at me and I wanted to lie. To tell her that really there were worse things than having to come inside of random women night after night and be treated like a playboy. But I was done lying about my past or my situation. If I was going to let her in she needed to know.

"Yes. But I've handled worse."

It was true. There were times when I see stars from the pain if be put through. The first time I had to take a male client, for example, I was sure my body couldn't handle it even before he choked me unconscious. But I reminded myself of the arena. And I survived. Annie would never need those details. Never need to know the hateful things that had been said to me while I was being made to perform. Never get a laundry list of inanimate objects that had been put into my body for sport. Never need to know the Avox girl I had to rape in front of a room of people right there in Snow's mansion...who still avoided me anytime I was in her proximity. Those things would always just be mine.

Knowing I had been handled inappropriately was enough for the sweet, caring girl from Four who was tending to the wound she gave me in a fit of uncontrolled jealous rage.

"I should have known Finnick. Can you forgive me?"

I raised her face to me.

"Can you forgive me?"

She closed the space between us and crashed into me in a long embrace. Her body against mine was like medicine. I let her heal me even if she didn't know she was. She was glued to my chest and I wanted to stand there with her forever, even as I left my towel come loose and slip over my legs, pooling around my feet between us. I felt her relax and notice it too, her long eyelashes fluttering against my chest. I undid my arms from her and she did the same. I stood back and immediately knew just how different this was going to be.

I was standing before her, perfectly naked and vulnerable, for the first time. Like the rest of the world, Annie had seen me shirtless but never naked. And she averted her eyes. Unwilling or unable to even look at my face, much less my body. I wasn't sure what to do. I stood for a minute and then grabbed for my towel. Embarrassing her had embarrassed me as well. I hastily covered myself and apologized.

"No, Finnick."

She whispered as she turned to look at me and took a step back in towards me, as if she had just come to a decision of some kind. She reached for the towel and gingerly pulled it from me, exposing my cock and letting her eyes land on it which immediately made it stiffen. I felt my heartbeat race slightly in my throat as I saw her link her arms behind her and toy with the back of her dress and as it did it loosened around her shoulders and eventually melted off of them until it swam down over her glowing skin and hung on her hips for a moment before slinking to the floor. She was naked, save for a small pair of white panties that barely covered much of anything. I drank her in. I had spent years of my life closing my eyes and imaging being inside of Annie's body while random people did things to mine. I had a client who would even ask me to call her Annie, knowing my history from back home, and while I resented it at first I grew to appreciate what she thought she was doing for me. But nothing really prepared me for finally seeing Annie. It felt like a dream and I started to feel like it was.

"You're beautiful," I whispered to her...mostly to make sure my voice would still even come and this wasn't a dream. I reached for her and clasped my hand at her hip to make sure she was real.

"What do you want me to do, Annie?"

Old habits die hard and she scowled at my offer, taking my hand and moving it from her hip to her heart.

"No. This is about what you want. I'm yours, Finnick. You do to me what you want. We can lay all night and watch the sunrise. We can stand here and stare at each other. Tonight is for you."

She smiled at me. I weakly returned it. I didn't feel worthy of her affection and I wanted to so badly. That had always been what had stopped me before. The feeling that Annie deserved to be with a man who hadn't done the things I had done. I think she was sending my internal struggle. She moved into me, my hand still over her heart.

"You don't have to do anything you do want to do. Not ever again. Do you understand me? You will not do those things again. We will find other ways to protect your people. I'd rather die, Finnick."

I felt another wave of anxiety crash over me and I silently wept at her words. I nodded yes lazily. Maybe that was what I had needed. Her permission to stop.

"I want you to love me. To love yourself. To enjoy my body. To enjoy your body. And you can stop whenever you want to. I understand."

Annie had slowly moved my hand over her left breast as she whispered to me, and her voice hitched softly as her hard nipple brushed against my heated palm. I let myself slowly start to do what she asked. To enjoy her. I cupped my hand around her breast and then raised my right hand to match it on the opposite side. She watched my face and I watched hers. I gently teased and kneaded at her nipples as she moaned under me. Her breasts were perfect and fit in my hands as if they were created to be there. She let me continue to play and massage her as she spoke, her voice low and erotic and aroused.

"I'd like to take you in my mouth, Finnick. I want to taste you. But only if you tell me it's ok."

I studied her as she spoke, my hands stilling on her skin. It was as if she had taken some class on how to make me not feel uncomfortable in my own skin. She knew just what I needed to hear somehow. I swallowed hard and nodded yes. She reached for my head and ran her fingers over the hair by my left ear.

"I want you to say it. To tell me it's ok. Use your voice to tell me it's ok for me to take you in my mouth."

Her words were on fire and sensual, whether she meant them to be or not. I thought of the various ways this situation had played out for me before:

 _"Shut up, you fucking spoiled Tribute, and fuck my mouth before I fuck yours."_

 _"Put your cock through that hole and someone on the other side is going to bite at it until you come blood..."_

 _"If you come in my mouth I'll beat you like I did last time..."_

I cleared my throat. My voice was shaky and hesitant. But it was my voice. It was me.

"It's ok for you...to take me in your mouth." Annie watched me intently as I spoke.

"Good."

She answered as she tucked hair behind my ear. She slid to her knees before me and gently took my cock in her hands. They both worked effortlessly to massage it and I groaned without meaning to as I let myself look down and watch her. Her red hair draped over her tanned shoulders, her perfect body in a reverent posture before me as her soft hands worked over the flesh of my erection in smooth waves. I locked my knees so as not to shake or swivel back and forth.

"I want to please you, Finnick Odair." Her words were musky and thick and she looked up at me as they came from her lips, before she parted them and took the tip of my penis through them, closing her mouth around the top of my shaft as her hands continued to lazily stroke me. I hissed and panted at the sensation and knew that with very little encouragement I'd be finished. I closed my eyes against it and welcomed the feeling of her warm mouth. I let my head hand back over my shoulder blades and whispered her name up into the sky as she moved her hands from my cock to my hips, helping me to slowly find a rhythm into her warm mouth. I wanted to watch her. I needed to make my mind believe that Annie Cresta was here with me, loving me, touching me. That this was...real.

Tears were leaking from the corners of her eyes as she took me deep into her throat. She looked up at me as I saw my cock appear only to disappear into her lips. I pushed against her and felt the back of her throat open and close.

 _'Show her what a victor can do, Odair.' The room was filled with cheering and clapping. Several men had their cocks out and stroked them angrily even as the women subconsciously rubbed their crotches through shiny gaudy Capitol fabric. The Avox under me was crying. Hard. If she could speak she would have been begging me to stop, but instead I pulled at her hair and forced my cock deeper into her stomach. Knowing the harder I fucked her the sooner this would be over for both of us. 'Fuck her face!' One of the women yelled and soon a mob of them were shouting it. Without warning I pulled myself from her drenched body and lifted her in one swift move to her knees, forcing my cock angrily into her mouth, shuddering only for a moment at the additional space. She gagged and choked and cried and I proceeded to force fuck her mouth to shut her up. Pummeling her and praying that I would come quickly and be able to go home. To get away from this place. Her eyes cried and pleaded with me to stop as she looked up at me. 'This isn't me' I wanted to tell her. But instead I exploded in her mouth and watched her choke and gag on it as the crowd cheered._

 _I_ pulled myself quickly and unexpectedly from Annie's mouth, hearing her gasp as I did. She almost fell forward as I slid from her and backed two steps away before quickly turning to hide myself from her. I couldn't find my towel but I was desperate to cover myself, suddenly ashamed of my naked body. I grabbed for a blanket from the nearby couch. Annie came behind me. Her hands gently on my shoulders even as I twitched at her touch.

"It's ok, Finnick."

I couldn't look at her. I wanted to. I wanted to be with her more than anything, to show myself that I could. And I couldn't bring myself to do it. It crushed me.

"Come lay with me, Finnick. Let's just rest. Tomorrow we head back to Four. You can be yourself there." Her completely sound empathy made me weak and I turned to face her. She had meant what she said. She understood. She would be patient. Maybe that's what I needed.

I took her face in my trembling hands.

"I want to make love to you Annie. I've wanted to since the first time I saw you. I've thought of it so often you'd blush if you knew. I just..."

She waited for me to finish and I couldn't find the right words. She tried to find them for me.

"I know, Finnick. You don't have to tell me. I'd wait forever for you."

She leaned in and kissed my neck. I rested my chin on her head and breathed her in. She took my hands in hers and turned towards the bed. She stopped at the foot of it and allowed herself to look around a bit. She chuckled.

"Far cry from District Four, isn't it?"

"You had no idea." I smiled and tried to mirror her charm. She squeezed my hand and her face grew longer again.

"Finnick..."

She stopped and waited for my permission to go on.

"Yes?" I was unsure of what I was about to hear and it made me squirm.

"Did you ever have to...here? In your bed?"

I looked towards it. And shook my head no. Gratefully I had not. Snow had always sent me out to do his work for him. Luckily, or I may never have found sleep once I got back. She smiled faintly.

"Good. That's good." After my response she squeezed my hand and led me to the side of the bed, her cascading red waves the only thing on her body. She reached for the blanket I was still clinging to at my waist.

"Can I take this off or are you more comfortable with it on?"

I smiled at her thoughtfulness, it was such a welcomed change. I let my fingers release it and it fell to the floor.

She eased the blanket back and crept far into the giant bed that filled my room and I seamlessly fell in right behind her. She laid on her back and opened her arms to me. I laid my head on her chest and she wrapped her arms lovingly around my back as I pulled into fetal position at her side. Very little time had passed and I drifted off to sleep in her embrace.

I had been asleep for awhile when something unseen woke me up. I let my eyes flutter open, my face still pressed against Annie's warm chest. I lay still for a moment wondering what woke me and then just reveled in the feeling of being held so gently in a bed. It was still such foreign territory to me. I had one client in the Capitol who grew so fond of me that our weekly encounters had stopped including sex at all. She would feed me, listen to me read and often just let me sleep. It was the closest thing I had to any kind of love from anyone in the world that hadn't been Annie. And Snow kept her from me.

"I'm here, Finnick." Annie whispered groggily, realizing I had woken up. She tightened her arms around me and I let it comfort me before I sat by her, admiring her frame in the moonlight. I pulled the sheet back off of her to see more of her. She bit her lip as my eyes wandered over her.

"You're so beautiful Annie." I watched her laying there at peace beside me and I thought that if any of the things I had done had helped her survive long enough to be here with me, they would have been well worth it. I ran my fingers over her hips and gently down her thighs. There were things I wanted to ask her. She had learned quite a bit about my sexual history, he'll she had been shown some of my previous escapades. But I didn't want to know, and she didn't owe me any answers. I let my finger wander between her legs and as I did she parted them slightly and bent her knees as well, opening herself to me. She watched me intently and her face filled with wonder of what I might do next.

I cupped my hand between her legs and felt her warmth. She closed her eyes slowly and arched her back as she swayed slightly against my hand. I watched her move, transfixed by the beauty and innocence of it all and I slowly eased one of my fingers inside her as she rolled her hips. She was wet. Hot. But I could tell from her gasp of reaction and the small space I was moving in and out of that it may have been the first time she felt anything like it. I slowly pressed in and out, watching her all the while before I eased it from her and rubbed her gently, leaving her wanting. She opened her eyes and looked up at me before pulling up to sitting and pulling close to me. I kissed her gently and she pushed back. I had grown hard again while fingering her and it wasn't lost on Annie, who trailed her hand over my leg and ran her fingers over my length.

"We can wait Finnick. I don't want you to feel this until you're ready."

"I've waited for you so long already, Annie. And now you're here. We don't know how much time we have."

I meant that and my heart sank as I said it. I knew I was going to be reaped at the Quarter Quell. I was the only male tribute. And that meant I'd be heading back to the arena with either Annie or Mags. And our only hope of survival would be that the rebel plan got us out in time.

Time.

We never had time. And we never would.

"I want you now, Annie. If you'll have me."

Annie took my face in her hands and kissed me, her eyes open, "of course I'll have you. You're all I have."

I had imagined making love to Annie so many times and now that I was faced with it actually happening I was terrified of what to do and how to make it what she needed. Or what I needed for that matter.

I decided to roll onto my back beside her and as soon as the bed touched my back she was rising to her knees beside me. She moved gracefully and let her body straddle mine, sitting back carefully against my knees. I ran my hands over her thighs and let them rest on her knees. She was breathing so heavily I could hear it and my mouth hung open unsure of what to say to her. My mind flooded with all of the things I had said to other women in this same position.

 _You're so beautiful._

 _I want you so bad._

 _You feel so good._

 _I've never been with anyone like you before._

I didn't want to say any of those things to Annie. I didn't want it to be cheap or effortless or performed the way I always had been. So words were failing me.

I turned my head to the side and fought to keep my mind from those places. Annie leaned down and turned my head back to face her.

"No, Finnick. Stay with me. Look at me."

Her voice was calm even through her halted breathing and I fought to focus on her and how at peace she made me feel.

Annie rose to her knees and positioned herself over my growing cock. My eyes were hooded as I watched her, all I could think to say was her name, softly and sweetly and in spite of myself. She carefully took me in her hand. Slowly and carefully massaging me and inching closer to taking me inside her.

"Give me permission, Finnick. You tell me it's ok. Tell me this is what you want."

"This is what I want, Annie. Please."

I was hoarse and hot as I whispered up at her, my skin crawling with anticipation like I had never been with anyone before. In a way, that's just how I felt. Annie smiled at me and braced herself with one hand against my chest. She used the other to guide me slowly inside of her. Mercifully she was so wet that I slid easily up inside of her until she was resting fully on me and shuddering around me.

"Oh, Finnick...yes..."

She began rocking on me without pulling off or on, just gently rocking. She took my hands in hers and held me under her...slowly manipulating her hips on mine and carefully making love to me with the kind of sensitivity I could never have even asked for. I arched my back and reared my head back in the pillow, closing my eyes.

 _It was my first night back in the Capitol and this woman was not a client I ever looked forward to. She tied me to her bed and forced medicine into my mouth that kept me hard all night. She rode me all night. Into the morning. I'd close my eyes to the humiliation and try to will my body to end it. If she noticed my hesitance I'd blame it weakly on whatever pills she had given me. Sometimes the helplessness was worse than any physical beating I ever took._

I was concentrating on my breathing. This was not like those times but I couldn't turn those thoughts off. They flooded me. My head reared back and I felt tears in my eyes that I wasn't sure of.

"Finnick. It's ok. I'm here."

I tilted my head back to her and locked my eyes on her.

"That's right. I'm here."

I took a deep breath and then held it. I tried to focus on her face, pulsing inside of her. I willed myself not to let her see how hard it was for me. Because it was. But that didn't make me want her any less.

"Come here..." Her voice was almost inaudible. She reached for my shoulders as she spoke and pulled at me gently until I was sitting. I crossed my legs underneath her and she wrapped hers around my lower back, locking me inside of her and wrapping me up in her body all at once. I buried my face against her collar bones as I continued to lift in and out of her gently.

"Can you look at me Finnick?"

Her voice was sweet through the air, thick from her breathing and pure. I pulled back from her and noticed my tears were softly rolling down her neck, clavicle and chest. If I was trying to hide my crying from her I was failing. I took a deep breath and lifted my head to look at her. She took my face in her hands and pressed her forehead into mine, locking her deep blue eyes on mine. Willing me to not look away. Daring me.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered, and she furrowed her brow and shook her head no immediately.

"Don't ever be sorry with me, Finnick. Just...be you. I love you."

Her words only made me more of a wreck. Tears snuck from my eyes as she picked up her pace on me and I met it. She cried helplessly too, an occasional tear rolling down the tip of her nose and onto mine. We rocked together in silence...only the sound of our breath and moaning...clinging to each other and releasing things we had both held onto alone for so long.

I was close, my body tensing against her, my muscles scathing and writhing as I fought to make it last. A far cry from the times I would try to come as hard and fast as I could. Now I was hoping my body could hold out enough to stay in this moment forever. With her.

"Do you want to come, Finnick?" She was thinking only of me but I could tell from her voice that it excited her, too.

"Yes..." I panted noisily and barely got the word out.

"Where, Finnick?" She moved on me faster and faster as she spoke. My brain and my body were racing to the finish line as I held her hips and moved her on me.

"Right here. I can't...I can't hold on much...longer..." my words came between labored breaths and I bit my lip and she crushed down on me, grinding in circles.

"Then don't." Her permission sent me over the edge and I grabbed her hips hard, pushing up into her and screaming her name as I unloaded into her in so many more ways than one. I cried out over and over and I felt her closing in around me as she shook violently in my arms, calling back to me and whispering that she loved me over and over and over. She held me so tight I couldn't tell where I ended and she began.

Even after I stilled inside of her, we sat...still connected...catching our breath and recovering. Holding each other and comforting each other. I whispered that I loved her and kissed her ear as I said it. She cuddled into my neck and I gently laid back, pulling her down on top of me. She slid off of me and rolled into my side, resting her head on my chest for a moment before lifting it to look at me.

"Are you ok?" She inquired quietly, studying my face in case she thought I wasn't being honest. I smiled weakly, exhausted.

"I am. Are you?" I played at her hair as she smiled lovingly at me.

"I'm ok."

Her eyelids hung loosely and I knew she wouldn't be awake much longer. I tucked her back into my chest and started to drift off.

In the morning we would board the train for District Four and our lives would be changed yet again. But I fell asleep that night with a new idea of what was real and what wasn't.

 _I would never again be with a woman that wasn't Annie Cresta. Real._

 _Annie and I would survive this Quarter Quell. Real._

 _Annie and I would survive anything. Real._

 _Annie and I had saved each other's lives. Real._


End file.
